About “Rough-Housing” (26 Sep 11)

Our son’s troop had an outing last weekend. On the return trip, YS was riding with some older boys who enjoyed a bit of rough-housing – to the extent that YS has bruises on both arms.

(“YS” is “younger son”)

This isn’t anything outside my experiences riding one of the toughest bus routes in my district when I was growing up. This isn’t behavior that’s allowed going down the road in our vehicle, nor is it allowed on girl scouting trips. But how is this viewed when it comes to boy scouting activities?

And yes, I HAVE called the local police department in two cases, and have asked them to take the child to his parent (or to the police station). I am not responsible for their misbehavior… I am not their parent, just an adult who should be listened to. It’s unfortunate that there are some parents which have stated to their
children

“NOBODY tells you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it EXCEPT ME (and the other parent). You don’t have to listen to ANYONE except ME (us).”

While I can understand the intent, and do understand the basal reasoning — this does NOT give those children the license to do anything they choose to do IN MY CAR, ON MY CAR, or BY MY CAR.

I had one young man to jump up and down in the backseat of my car. After warning him twice and after pulling the car over and sternly explaining to the young man that “I don’t allow anyone to bounce on my backseat… it blocks my view of the cars behind me…” I drove to a restaurant, used an outdoor payphone, and called 911. I informed the operator that I needed a police car at the restaurant and that it was NOT an emergency. The operator gave me another number to call, connected me to that number, and I explained to the officer my situation.

The police sent a patrol car, I escorted the young man to the police car, and after they left, I called the Troop’s Committee Chair and then the parent of the Scout to “please pick your son up at the police station” and that “he would explain why he is there.”

The second situation was more intense. I had a Scout to open his pocket knife in my car. The other two Scouts told him to put it away, and the Scout refused.  After he poked two small holes into the vinyl of the back of the passenger seat and then and only then placing the pocket knife away, did I pulled off the road
and waited for the other vehicle to catch up with me. I rolled the window down, talked with my Assistant Scoutmaster and asked him to call the Scout’s parents. I then requested to have the pocket knife and the Scout’s Totem Chip card. He pulled out the card, and then used the pocket knife to cut the card in half. Then, he started in on this “you can’t tell me what to do… we’re not at a Scout thing….” crapola.

So, when the Assistant Scoutmaster returned to tell me that he couldn’t get hold of the Scout’s parents, I drove into the next city, went to the police station, and asked a police officer to please escort the little monster into the station.

It’s VERY embarrassing to bring a uniformed Boy Scout into a police station to be held until his parents showed. The Assistant Scoutmaster took the other Scouts home (this was WELL before youth protection, by the way!!!!) and I stayed at the police station until Mom showed.

Mom promptly attempted to chastise me for having “her baby” in the police station, until of course; I showed her the damage done to my car by his hands.
Then it was “Mr. Walton was stopping and I had the knife out showing it and it accidentally cut the seat”. That worked until I explained that he had the blade out pointing TOWARD the car seat and that in ANY event, it was highly dangerous no matter what. Mom finally relented and took her son home.

Both Scouts, by the way, left my Troop for the other Troop because “Mr. Walton is too serious.”

The other Troop threw them both out of Scouts totally after only a few meetings. That’s a shame… for they both LOVED camping and being in the outdoors… just that they didn’t like the authority part!!

What can YOU do to prevent this:

– DRIVING RULES. Everyone should be made aware of EXACTLY what the rules are for passengers in the car. Do YOU allow pop and pretzels in your car?? Do YOU allow them to pick the channel on the radio station? Do YOU allow them to “switch seats” while the car or van is moving? Do YOU allow them to yell out the car at passing motorists and people??

YOU make the rules, and those rules may vary by vehicle, by adult/driver, and by distance. But EVERYONE IS TOLD THE RULES BEFORE THEY GET IN THE CAR.

THERE ARE NO TWO SETS OF RULES FOR THE ADULTS AND THE YOUTH… if you do not allow chewing gum in your car this means YOU don’t chew chewing gum either.  If you smoke in your car, you should not be surprised when one of your Scouts lights up. By having only ONE set of rules, you avoid a lot of problems in the first off-start and when there is a problem, you are not perceived as a “hypocrite” for having one set of rules for you and another set of rules for everyone else.

(YES, it’s YOUR CAR, TRUCK, VAN… YES, you pay for it. But think about this:  how hard would it be for you to explain why you’re drinking a soda when everyone else in the backseat is parched dry?)

PENALITES FOR VIOLATING THE RULES. You penalize the INDIVIDUAL, NOT the entire vehicle’s occupants. This may mean that you take the “misbehaving person” home last or that you make other arrangements for the Scout to be picked up by another party or the parents.

IF THIS MEANS THE POLICE, THEN BE CONSISTANT. Under the BSA’s current youth protection policies, you cannot just drive a Scout home by yourself. So to me, if push comes to shove and you cannot control the occupants of your vehicle safely, it’s time you move that vehicle off the roadway and inform the local police of your problem.  Policemen are trained to handle difficult people in extreme situations… you and I are not.  Police stations are facilities which provide a reasonable, safe location for Scouts or anyone else to wait until responsible parties show.  If it is safe for you to wait at the police station, do so. Your first responsibility as a Scouter is to ALL of the youth traveling in your vehicle…

DEAL WITH PARENTS FIRST ON THE PHONE AND THEN IN PERSON – QUICKLY. Do not wait until you get home to call the parents of a misbehaving Scout.  Do so after you have informed the Scout you will inform his parents. And don’t “threaten to call” his parents if he “doesn’t stop it”. BE CONSISTANT. Tell him to stop, tell him to please stop, and inform him to please stop doing whatever. Then, follow your unit’s rules and call.  No second chance.  No “I’ll think about it.”

After you have called the parent/guardian, when you take the Scout home or at the earliest next opportunity, YOU CONTACT AND MEET WITH THE PARENT and explain what he did to merit such attention.

No parent, driver, or Scouter needs to endure misbehavior. A bit it of it is natural and as a young Scout, I too enjoyed some of the play and banter.  But when the adult says “Cut it OUT!” we all knew that playtime in the car is over and done, and that we are expected to behave.

We do a good job of “making most Scouts walk the walk and talk the talk” by insisting that they adhere to
the Scout Oath and Law.  But Scouting is NOT perfect and neither are our Scouts.

Settummanque!