[OFFER] “Sex Talk” and Irish Spring

I found this while doing research for “Eagle Feathers”, a book based on my Scouting experiences post-Augusta; I added some more recent information at the end.  Enjoy…

—————  Bill Britt wrote in part in 1994 about cussing within his Boy Scout Troop:

“I also expect them to keep a civil tongue, and challenge them that if I hear them curse they owe me a Diet Pepsi, if they hear me, I owe them a case of their favorite soft drink. And that’s hard for me sometimes as retired military accustomed to aircrew braggadocio.”

I have a chapter in “Patches and Pins” which addresses this only because in writing the book, I had two editors to turn it back, stating “Didn’t anyone cuss when you were growing up?  Where are the swear words??  Where are the sexual references?” It’s like in order to get a book published the “regular way” (which I was going that route for the longest!), one had to include some sexual tension and some four or eight-letter words (which would normally cause me to either get whipped two weeks into the next week or my mouth washed out with that lime-green Irish Spring soap (illustrated above just in case you needed a reminder of what it looked like which happened TWICE before I caught on… sorry for invoking some of your own memories and funny feelings in your tummies in having this done).

In the chapter, I explain that yes, people around me, to include my peers at school and some adults I encountered, did use some rather colorful language when they got angry, or when they hit their hand or fingers with a hammer or a closed lid, or to describe other people.  But my parents never used that kind of language around me or my siblings and they never used it anywhere where children were present.

My mother referred to it as “adult talk” or “sex talk”.  I understood the first, but only while watching my first “adult movie” (X rated movie) in college did I understand the second term.  She explained that there were words spoken among adults to other adults or addressing other adults, and those with manners and good upbringing DO NOT SAY OR REPEAT THOSE WORDS except in an adult setting and only between close friends and “mates”.

(Some of you have asked “where did you get that term “Mate” from?” I point to Scouting and say “my upbringing”…)

My father at one point in his career was a drill instructor (a “Drill Sergeant”) and I had the opportunity to see him “in action” with trainees as he and other Army men and women converted civilians to Soldiers.  I have never heard him use one obscenity, not one colorful descriptive word.  He did call trainees “dirty so-and-sos”, or would say “you’re being stupid.  Don’t be stupid on me!” Once, I saw him go face-to-face with a trainee like Sgt. Vince Carter did with Private Gomer Pyle in the opening part of that old television show and yell at that trainee “Don’t tell me that your momma sent me a stupid son!!  I will call her up and tell her to send me her SMART one!!”

In my youth, I was in an argument with a friend of mine and he uttered that four-letter word for intercourse at me.  So, not thinking what I was saying, I yelled it back at him and said “… you too!”  What happened next was nothing short of what you see in some cartoons or during those old commercials when someone for an insurance company or investment firm talks, “everyone listens.”  Everyone stopped and looked at me. I turned and looked around at everyone else looking at me, not believing that that word came out of my mouth.

Almost immediately, the next-door neighbor’s wife came out, took me by my ear, and after I was telling her “He STARTED IT!”, took me into her home, rushed me to her kitchen, and as she ran the water in her sink, she exclaimed “He’s going to hell!  You’re just going to get your mouth washed, young man!”

Now, I could have run out of there…after all, Ginny’s mom wasn’t my mother, and wasn’t anyone related to me by blood or by legality…and clearly today, she could have been sued for what she did next.  But she wasn’t, she didn’t, and I didn’t leave.  I stood there as Mrs. McCluskey  found the Irish Spring soap from above the sink’s shelving, got it wet, and told me to “open my mouth.”

I didn’t.  She forced that nasty tasting soap into my mouth and past my teeth, swished it back and forth a couple of times, and then pulled it out.  My face turned sour as I tasted whatever Proctor and Gamble placed into that soap.  I started to gag and spit into the sink.

“Boys who are going to Heaven don’t say words like that, Mike.  It’s nasty. It’s dirty, and even adults who say that word are showing how they were not raised.  Let Doug say those words….as long as I’m your neighbor, I’m not going to let you say them back!”  She found a glass and filled it with that running water and gave it to me.  She then returned that soap back to its place above the sink.

And before I could spit out “You’re not my momma”, she added, “I’m not your momma but think about what your momma WOULD have done if she heard you!”

It only took me a few seconds to think about it.  My mother was ruthless with anything she could find to whip you by if you did anything uncivil.  Cussing was at the top of that list for little boys (I was 11). She would have had my body all over that backyard and I would have not only been publically embarrassed, my body would have been full of belt or other welts.

Later as an adult, I had a parent of a Scout in my Troop to come and see me at work.  He was beside himself.

“I can’t get my son to stop saying (two words which are definite swear words and another phrase which I absolutely despise!)”  I notice that he doesn’t say any of those words when he’s around you at Scouts.  Why is it??”

“First, I told Scouts that I don’t cuss and that Scouts don’t cuss.  There are so many other words in the vocab and some German words too, that there’s no excuse for saying them.”  I said.  I gave some examples.

“Second, they know if they do hear me or another adult cuss, that when confronted, we would apologize and whatever they wanted, they would get.  Pizza party, a special trip to the pool, whatever.  Our treat.  If you haven’t figured it out, Lieutenants don’t make a lot of money when they have a family coming….”  [This was before the birth of my oldest daughter]

I then said something which upset him a little, “And finally, maybe he’s getting it from some other place, like from home.  My Scouts aren’t squeaky clean…but they know where and when to use such words and it’s not around Scouting.”

As a military officer, I run into a LOT of Soldiers and leaders who feel that the only way they can get people to listen to them is to lace their conversations with “adult words”.  I also find that these same people are those who have to have their speeches written for them, and those are the ones that don’t get promoted “in due course” because their language bubbles over to other parts of their personality and their work ethic.

It is those who know how and when and under what circumstances to use such language, those are the people who will find people willing to listen to them. And when you DO on occasion, utter one of those words or thoughts or descriptors, they know that first, you’re REALLY angry enough to use such language…and that you are not thinking clearly.

It’s funny we’re talking about this today… When I wrote this originally in 1995 or so, I was listening to CNN and during their “On the Money” financial management show, they were talking about the emergence of “dirty talk” as creeping into mainstream American speech.  I don’t like it.  We have enough problems with rap stars and “mainline” pop and R&B stars using such language (even with the “bleeps”…who are we trying to kid with that!?) in their songs.  But like showing bras and undergarments; later partially nude men and women (and on cable, fully naked men and women); and today, there are some channels which show soft porn as “R-rated entertainment”, the television and our desire for wanting to “see and experience it all” has got us to this stage.

The “adult language” and “sex talk” naturally came with it all.  Something else to educate our children to “do what I say, not as I do.”

I was talking with a friend of mine over the weekend, over dinner.  Well, attempting to talk over dinner anyway.  Sharon and I have known each other for well over 12 years, having first met at a party being held for a mutual friend of ours.  The pint-sized adult — not reaching five feet tall — was drunk most days, high the days she was not drunk, and just did not care about what or why she said to anyone at any time.  The untimely death of a close friend of hers woke her emotionally and Sharon placed herself into a drug and alcohol treatment center.

Twice.

The last time stuck and she has been sober and clean since.  The “mouth” continued, however, but she has even moderated her language over the years.  That, and the fact that she is now turning 50 and is a bit more reflective of her life and how she screwed it up.  Our birthdays are on the same day of the year and we are strong supporters of veterans’ causes (her friend, some of my friends died in supporting our nation) which kept us in touch with each other.

“I wouldn’t even say what they are saying on TV,” she pointed with her fork to one of the many television sets, playing for the umpteenth time the “sex talk laced” conversation between two media promoters, one wanting to get on a network television show in prime time and the other wanting to become President of the United States.

“I would have said “screwed” or “messed” — ” ‘messed’ is how I was raised”, she said.  “Now — look at these parents, covering their kids’ ears.  It’s simply weird.  They’ll go home from here, say those same words and more to each other and little June and Johnny will hear them.  It’s the TV’s fault!” She pointed to her head as families with small children all talked over the stereo sound coming from the television speakers or have covered their little boy and girl ears to lessen the impact of hearing the spoken words.

“No”, I said, adjusting my food around on my plate as the reporter once again apologized for the language being used in the story, “what would have happened back in our day was that someone would found one of those bars of soap, washed their mouths out with it and demanded that they apologize for the words they used right then and there.  You think that’ll happen today?”  I shook my head and grabbed another bite of steak.  “We just don’t have people who will do that today. This will blow over and nobody will care.”

“Wouldn’t that be something, “Sharon said, “…some old broad with a bar of that God-awful soap and a bucket of water with two beefy guys to hold them while she swishes that soap back and forth until they gagged.  I’d pay good money for that!”

“I’d vote for the woman who did that!”, the man sitting in the booth behind Sharon got up and left money on the table, looking at the two of us. “I can’t take this.  But you’re right little girl…they should have their mouths washed out with soap and water and forced them to apologize on TV.”

We both grinned as the man left and we tried to continue our dinner.

(NOTE: no matter how much you want to, or need to, Scouters don’t “wash Scouts’ mouths out with soap” or anything else.  Not only could this be considered hazing, but it is also considered assault in several States!!  

Proctor and Gamble make Irish Spring and several other soaps, and on their packaging and labeling they state that their product is made for EXTERNAL USE ONLY!)

Settummanque! (and NO, it’s NOT a cuss word!)